Friends With Benefits

We live in a fast-changing dynamic world, where advances in technology, relationships and life in general, are uber-rapid. A few decades ago, James bond movies were the closest we came to mind-blowing technology; some of which many of us now own and use comfortably. They depicted phones that had navigators, voice recognition, the occasional bomb-triggers, and touch-screens, to mention but a few. Growing as a young boy, i was fascinated by these, and never thought that one day, i too will own a phone that could do all these and more! Well, at least most of it, except for the bomb part.

Perhaps, one of the areas of life that has experienced rapid change, especially in Nigeria, is our social life. Generally speaking, we have become very westernized. This is a fact that is very much evident in our fast-changing lingo. Every day, so many new words erupt from nowhere and become accepted as words we use in daily communication, especially among young people. Walking down the streets, you'll hear young people use words like YOLO(Acronym for, You Only Live Once) or dope( E.g "that song is dope", to mean, "that song is cool or great"). Sometimes we mean "good" when we say "bad." (For instance, "Skyfall was a bad movie mehn", really means, "Skyfall was an awesome movie").

I cannot count how many times my Mum has called me to ask the meaning of such "new" words. It's like many of our parents get lost in our conversations. They can't seem to understand what we say anymore because, we have evolved passed the regular dictionary words.

The Nature of relationships in Nigeria and indeed around the world, has changed over the years too. While a few years ago, the thought of a relationship between humans, meant a relationship between a man and a woman; in this generation, you can't be too sure. Sadly, there are all kinds of new sick combinations that exist. Not only have the genders involved in relationships changed, but also there are a few additions to the relationship statuses that exists in the world. While most of our parents know about Single, Married, Dating, Lovers, Just Friends e.t.c They don't know of the latest addition, which is: "Friends with Benefits"

For the purpose of my older readers, i'll tell you what this new relationship status means. "Friends with Benefits" is a relationship between a guy and a girl, where there is no emotional commitment, no love or feelings, but the two engage in sexual intercourse. That means that, they fulfill each other's sexual desires but have no emotional connection whatsoever. They are both free to see other people as there is no commitment in the "relationship".

My dear Mummies and Daddies, I'm a bit old fashioned, so i share your disgust. I can still remember the first time i heard the phrase "Friends with Benefits." It was like i had just seen a ghost. My mouth, nose and eyes were opened, as a girl in my Uni told me about this new relationship status. She just assumed it was something i knew. She said a guy told her, he wanted them to be "friends with benefits." I answered and said, "What is that?", and she began to explain it to me and was surprised at my reaction.

I remember going back to my room that day, wondering what this was all about. I went into deep thought, amazed and perplexed. Looking for a way to make sense of the new data i had just received. I sat there for an hour, sometimes laughing to myself, other times whispering "friends with benefits", while nodding my head.

Suddenly, it hit me and i realized that, all friendships should be beneficial! Not the sick sexual kind that the world has placed in our heads! But we must go into every friendship asking ourselves, "How Can I Benefit The Other Person." Often, we have concept of love that is selfish! We go into relationships for what we can get! We go in, looking for our own benefit, our own satisfaction, and our own pleasure, even at the expense of another person. It's all about ME and how you can fulfill MY desire. It is parasitic when it should be symbiotic. it is an erroneous equating of the word "Love" to meaning just erotic excitement!

We use people, we don't really love them. And when the time comes when we believe they are no more beneficial to us, we throw them away, when actually, we should be looking for ways to benefit them. It's a conditional love that is predicated on how much i can get from you and not how much i can give to you.

This is precisely why it seems our relationships have an expiry date. Because two selfish people go into a relationship, each one, hoping to rip off the other. Picture for one second, what it'll be like, if two people decided to go into a relationship, seeking to benefit one another. Imagine if our goal for friendship was to benefit the other person and not just to benefit ourselves. Surely, you can see that we will have long-lasting relationships. We will benefit more for ourselves, by improving others.

While the term "Friends with Benefit" has a negative connotation, i believe that it also has a positive one. Every time i hear the phrase, i remember that i am in this world to bring out the best in the people i am committed to; those who i have called friends.

I leave you with the words of the greatest Lover i know.. Jesus Christ

John 15:13(The Living Bible): .....the greatest love is shown when a person lays down his life for his friends.

I love you all, thanks for reading!

Daniel Addo

twitter: @PastorDanAddo